November 6, 2016

What’s For Me Is Already Mine

What’s for me is already mine, So I shouldn’t worry.

currently listening to: Daley – Those Who Wait

Last week, a couple of people I know got engaged. I found myself full of mixed emotions and I could not understand what I was feeling. Of course I was happy for them, but I was also feeling sad for myself. Everyone around me is getting married, having kids, traveling etc. Why wasn’t I engaged yet? I’m also constantly pressured by the “When are you getting married?” question.  At first I bottled up these feelings and felt guilty and ashamed for even feeling that way. Bottling it up only lead to me feeling even worse. I’m making an effort to always allow myself to feel my emotions and be open about them, so I confessed to my boyfriend about how I was feeling. Then, I had to be honest with myself and really analyze why I was feeling like this.

I’m 25 years old now and I always wanted to be married by this age. I had my timeline all planned out. That timeline went out the window when I found myself in a toxic and abusive relationship for 3 years. Even though I learned some valuable lessons from that situation and I try my best to look at it positively, that’s still time I consider wasted. On top of that, I lost myself along the way. Now, here I am at 25 in a new (and healthy) relationship. Happier and more free than I’ve ever been. But what I didn’t realize was that the pressures of my “internal timeline” still affect me. I’m always subconsciously trying to make up for lost time. I’m ready for my “happily ever after” and the longer it takes, is the more I worry about it never happening. As I reflected on this, I remembered my ever-present “worry not” tattoo and why I got it in the first place. I had to remind myself that what’s for me is already mine and I just have to allow myself to be free and comfortable in that. Here’s what I learned from my reflection:

Be comfortable in your OWN journey.
Life is for living, not about timelines or planning every detail. Of course we want happiness, success and our own version of happily ever after. But what I realized is that the more time I spent trying to plan it out and get everything right is the less time I had actually living it. Be comfortable in the ups and downs and take them for what they are.

Don’t compare your life to others.
As much as I want to believe that I don’t compare myself or worry about what others are doing, I know I fall victim to this sometimes. We all do. We all have our goals and aspirations and when we see someone else living those, it’s difficult not to wonder “why isn’t that me?”. Use that as motivation. Just because that isn’t you right now doesn’t mean it won’t ever be you.

Think about what you do have.
This is what really helped me get past those feelings of self-doubt. I have a loving partner who is my best friend and we get to grow together everyday. As my friends say, we are #relationshipgoals. My mom and dad are healthy. My siblings are in college doing great. I have a home I love and a job I enjoy. Always let the positives outweigh the negatives even on your darkest days.

Good things come to those who wait.
Don’t rush it. Don’t apply pressure. What’s yours is already out there waiting for you to own it. Whether that’s tomorrow or five years from now doesn’t matter. Enjoy the journey. Think about where you are and use that for motivation to get where you want to me.

This week: Reflect on your goals and dreams. What are you doing to achieve them?  

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